suffering from depression.. the only medicine i need ..its him

today well..
exam was okay.. sigh gastric again.. the pain is making me even harder to eat..
didnt eat lunch and breakfast today..
only drank milk and water..

sigh.. im very depressed..
i miss him.. i miss talking to him.. i miss the hug and kisses everything.. looking back at the pictures bring backs lots of memories.. happy memories that makes me cry..
i lost him..

i love him..im willing to change and do whatever as long as he`s back with me..im seriously cant stand the pain.. its like been 5days now..
i still can`t eat properly..sigh..

i want to message him.. but i don`t want to bother him.. i know he feels dat im very annoying to him now.. ya its sad but i understand.. i been bothering him for 3days just to ask him back and he starting to avoid talking to me tat much already since that day..
im sad..
im very sad..
im still not over it..i cant lie to myself.. been crying like almost everyday..
its tough..i dun feel loved anymore..i feel like im made of stone now..
no feelings at all ..just sad.. and all i want is him..

its hard.. its hard.. its really sad..im really sad..
i almost fell down from the staircase today..feeling dizzy.. urgh.. lucky that there` s no one behind me..i don`t want them to fall dwn after i slipped..can hardly mix around and talk..


i knw..
i shouldn`t be so emotional..
i realise that
i always think too much till here and there and feeling imsecure and ended up arguing..
i realise its tough for him , its like when we argue,we`re like very sad and its hard to study and stay focus especially in college..
i know that..
but i didnt mean to.. i really didnt mean to..
but its too late.. i lost him..
i lost him already..
it still hurts me alot...

i want him back..i really do.. but i can`t do anything..
i seriously can`t.. i don`t want him to be more stress up and all..
all i want is..i want to be with him.. msg less n talk less n meet less is ok for me now..
i realised that now..i been so childish and always wanted his attention always to comfort me..

i don`t need that now.. i learn my lesson.. i really did..
if i ever get the chance to be back with him..i really will change into someone who doesnt give him any more trouble to worried bou and think of ..instead of all that trouble i`ll make things easier for him..i really want to..

i want to wait..
im waiting for the chance though i know the answer is `no`
im really waiting for miracle to happen..
silly me..but that`s what i want..