gastric..

yesterday.. i did something very wrong which i tot i could make things better..
i added one of choon meng`s college fren in msn ..
i tot it was his college fren but no.. its his college fren gf..
i added her because i tot could knw more bou choon meng without msg him everyday cos i miss him n i keep thinking bou him but it just make things worst..
at first she came on9 and i said hi..
then she ask me whether im choon mengs gf..then i correct her n said im his ex..
then things started..she quickly msn choon meng and said what happen and so on..
and choon meng started to hate me.. he say im bothering his frens..
all i wan to do is try to make things better bt instead of that..
things becoming worst and worst it really hurts me so so much till i wanna die..
cos choon meng said he duwan to be frenz with me anymore and ask me to stop bother him..
i really didnt ask for help just to knw her.. all i really wan is to knw bou choon meng n hw is he ..i care for him..but it turn in a opposite way..choon meng`s fren`s gf help me and ended up she argue with her bf which i reli didnt knw.. but i reli didnt ask for help and didnt tell her anything..i just said that choon meng will hate me now since she told him bou me.. just in a few secs the relationship is over...

i can`t do anything now..

now.. he hate me..
no more chance anymore..
i feel pain very pain.. i can`t study and eat..
its very very painful..
but i honestly i didnt knw what i was doing .. all this time i keep thinking and saying i wan him back ..i want him back so badly..but now it ended becoming a disaster..im a stranger and outsider to him now..
i seriously made a very big mistake tis time

im hopeless now..i feel like dying ..i really do..
im working on to change my attitude now..
i don`t want him to feel more annoyed anymore..even though we`re not friends anymore..